He's so dumb, he thinks the Kentucky Derby is a hat.

He's never slept with his wife. He says it isn't honorable to sleep with a married woman.

He's so dumb, he thinks the English Channel is a British T.V. station.

He's so dumb, he thinks the St. Louis Cardinals are appointed by the Pope.

He lost his dog, but he won't put an ad in the newspaper. He says it's no use -- his dog can't read.

He still hasn't bought an electric toothbrush. He doesn't know if his teeth are AC or DC.

He jumped off the bus backwards when he heard someone say, "Let's grab his seat when he gets off."

He heard that a man gets hit by an automobile every twenty minutes. He said, "What a glutton for punishment, that guy!"