Taoism: Shit happens.

Confucianism: Confucious says, shit happens.

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism: This shit happened before.

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.

Native American: What is the medicine of shit?

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Pantheism: It's all the same shit.

Atheism: I don't believe this shit. Agnosticism: What is this shit?